Nianz…

For some reason I thought about Nian again. I visited her Xanga and then I found this on the sidebar

On some other day this would be funny to note. But this time, it all but adds an extra sting to the fact that she literally has no pulse. Sigh.

I still remember the day I heard the news. Jw told me on MSN while I was studying in my room in PGP. Year 1 Sem 1. And then I found out You Chuan knew her mother. Penang is, after all, a small place. I cried that very night, knowing that another has left us, never coming back. The following year in December I visited Penang. I met her mother. I told her I knew her daughter from AUSMAT. I could see the look on her face when I mentioned it. Despair. Distress. You name it, it was there. And today I still think about it, wondering what might have been if anyone of us did things a little differently. What if you hadn’t boarded the bus that day? What if you hadn’t taken the JPA offer. What if, what if, what if. But I guess in all this, we need to realize that what’s done is done. We cannot change the past. We can only learn from it and make the best out of the future. While some may think the Bible teaches that God controls our destiny, the truth is that ultimately our destiny depends on ourselves. God is there to help us, not to give us our destiny. We have to make a choice, whether for better or for worse.

As for Nianz, we miss you. At least, I do. Today you are remembered.

~Falcon, OUT!